Offenders
Where did you commit your first crime?
I think mine was in a convenience store in Lowndes County, Mississippi, where I tried to take a piece of gum while my dad paid for gas. Of course, he busted me and sent me inside to apologize and pay for it. I was about 7, I think.
My favorite crime was when my roommate, DJ, and my girlfriend, were rolling a car at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, Alabama. My girlfriend was supposed to be our lookout, but she's not a very good crook. Security finally cornered us hiding underneath a jacked-up Ford Bronco in the parking lot. They went easy on us, and Space Camp did not fire us. I married that girl, and she's still a bad sneak. Her heart is too pure.
posted by JRB at 10:33 AM
12 Comments:
When I was a young boy, three friends and I went to the grocery store a couple of blocks away. They should Tops paper in which you could roll your tobacco (or other things?) and make your own filterless cigarettes. We swiped a couple of packs, went to my house and pretended to smoke rolled paper. My parents thought is was funny, though they had a talk with me about really smoking, until they found out that we had gotten the five finger discount. The store manager and I had a nice, um, meeting after that.
Ummm, I may pleade the fifth on this one. I am not sure the statute of limitations has run.
K, of course, I'm not inviting confessions for crimes that carry time, so you're off the hook.
I don't think I did much stealing before got to high school. I was a consistently law abiding citizen up until my sophmore year and then all @%*& broke loose. I am not sure why that was. I was pretty much living in fear of the man for most of my life. That man being Larry Thompson. Perhaps my sophmore year is when I realized that I could "take" him if he ever decided to "bring it on." Of course that realization was a false one since my brother actually did try to "take" my Dad in a fight and got his butt promptly handed to him. He was 19 at the time and bigger than me.
Actually now that I think about it my first crime probably occured in 7th grade. There was a pencil vending machine that charged a nickel for two brand new pencils. At some point the machine was broken and you could stick a penny in there and get pencils. I did this regularly. So you might say that during my tenure at Taft Middle School (TMS) in Crown Point, Indiana (CP,I) I committed a series of crimes.
A veritable crime spree, if you will. I imagine my exploits are now legendary in the hallowed of halls of TMS CP,I.
When I was five years old, I realized that my initials (ME) also spelled a pronoun. About the same time, I also discovered a can of red spray paint.
Since ME could represent just about anybody, I reasoned that I could spray paint my initials on the side of our neighbor's white stucco house (I can still pinpoint the exact location of my artwork to within a few feet to this day). This would be (in my five-year old mind) the perfect crime. Everybody would be left scratching their heads wondering "Who is this ME person?"
It took my dad all of twenty minutes to solve the crime. After that, I realized that he was a lot smarter than I had given him credit for. My backside still smarts just thinking about it.
This is one of my family's favorite stories of my youth to recount at family gatherings.
I don't remember much criminal activity when I was young, but after I was married, we had just moved to Denver around Christmas time, and lived in an apartment, and had no Christmas tree, and no money to buy one, fake or real. I drove up I-70 to the Genesee exit, and went south to some national forest land, where I spotted a small tree just off the road that would be perfect. I stopped the car and ran with a saw, cut it down and had it in the car in about 45 seconds. Premeditated killing of a national treasure. I don't know if it rose to the level of eating a spotted owl, but I'm sure I would have been in trouble had I been apprehended. I was torn between committing this larceny and the spirit of the season for which it was committed, but was able to rationalize by saying I was part of the nation that owned the tree, so I was just claiming my 1/200,000,000th of it now. Besides, it's a renewable resource, you know? Anyway, it looked lovely in our little apartment.
That's out of context Rog.
Why shouldn't I blog about VU football at Elrod's place? The post was about football. Elrod and I both love Vanderbilt. He was talking about bowls, and UT's not going.
What's not to love?
Don, that's hilarious. It reminds me of a crime I commited in Scotland in 1995. We were spending some time in a lovely Glasgow park in the springtime with many pretty flowers blooming, so, of course, we picked some for sharing.
Our hosts admonished us for stealing the Queen's flowers. No kidding.
I rationalized it by saying, "She's not my Queen! We took care of that nonsense in 1776." I think I may then have sung, "My Country 'Tis of Thee," but I can't remember for sure.
Roger,
That was a part of the problem. While on something that a small and furry, yet interestingly Castro-esque koala gave us at a Christian rave, we fell into a deep trancelike slumber. When we awoke to the slow drip of Scottish water torture (it is similar to Chinese water torture, but the "water" is actually juice from a haggis), we realized that we were being sucked into an underground Scottish wing of the kilt-wearing-pinko-commie-IRA.
It was quite a debacle, really. But you can only imagine the crime spree that ensued that fine Scottish spring in October of 1995. It all goes to show that Burks was right all along, Christian music (and especially Christian raves) are bad for the soul...
And yes, we are still on whatever it was that the koala gave us. He never leaves, not even when we sleep...
Speaking of drugs, I once heard of a guy who shot a man in Reno just so he could watch him die. He eventually confessed of his crime in a song.
But he didn't go to Harding or Vanderbilt and he had a lot of other problems too. It was a really a sad story.
ttMark, did you see the article recently about that guy's grandson matriculating at VU? I'm glad that Vandy let him in, and I wonder if Harding would have held his Folsom Prison legacy against him?
Sad indeed, and I'm glad I didn't steal the Queen's flowers before that whole Magna Carta thing came down. That would have been even sadder.
I'm going to ask lawyer Kile about the statute of limitations for theft of timber from national forests in Colorado, though. I'm feeling a bit ripped off.
Let's let sleeping dogs lie. I knew i shouldn't have confessed.
Uh, I guess it was all a dream, yeah, that's it, it never really happened, and I recant.
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